Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Chapter 1

Here's a new story I'm writing. Tell me what you think.

Chapter 1: Flames


Fern ran through the flames holding a new born baby girl. Her husband was holding a baby boy,they wore twins. The flames wore stared by a drunk man who had know idea what he was doing. Now Fern and her husband wore running for there lives and for there children's. But Fern did not know were to go! she seemed to be running in circles! Just then she spotted an opening. She called to her husband but he was know were to be seen! She spotted him on the ground holding the boy closely. As she ran to him she saw that he had been badly burned! he wispered "take my son he is young and I am old he should live!" "no! we must try to help you!" Fern said "take the baby's to shelter so that I know they are safe then come back if you must my dear Fern" She ran to through the opening witch had gotten much smaller and put they new born baby's under a tree far from the fire. Then she ran back through the opening again. She got to her husband and saw that he was dead. "no!!!!" she cried putting her head on his back. She saw that the opening was no more and she prayed one last prayer that her children wore going to be safe without her.


Mary let out a burst of laughter as her brother Marten fell off a horse for the third time that morning. "Oh Mary don't laugh" her brother said sadly taking the rain's "I'm sorry... but I mean how hard can it be to ride a horse?" Marten had been practicing on a horse for a week and did not seem to be getting any better. He was practicing for the Civil War that he was dying to be in. He was 14 and they had to be over 18 but he had a trick. He was going to right Over 18 on a peace of paper then stick it in his shoe then he will stand on it and he could say her was over 18. When Mary had herd what he was going to do she could not stop laughing! Marten was her twin brother and their parents died in a fire years ago and then a kind old man named Mathew fond them and ever since they had fond him like a father.

"Oh it's harder then you think" Marten said "Marten please let me try!" "well why not? your just going to fall off" Marten helped Mary up on the horse and then she said "Walk" the horse began to walk she fond it rather easy to stay on and she began to like it. "you have to say trot know" Marten said "Oh right. Trot" the horse began to go faster but she held on. "now canter" Marten said sounding rather sad "ok... Canter" the horse began going much faster but she held the rain's tite. She new that she was supposed to say Gallup now but she was not sure she wonted to say that. Slowly she said "Gallup" the horse bolted off but she stayed on in. In till she said in a rather scared voice "whoa" and the horse stoped right in front of Marten. Oh she thought Marten will not be happy that I could ride a horse and he could not. When she jumped off Marten did not look sad nor did he look happy he just got back up on the horse. For the rest of the day Mary and Marten did not talk much.

10 comments:

Professer James Duhicky said...

I think it is lacking in general excitement. Spice it up eh? But all together very good. Keep up the good work!

Professer Peter Duhicky said...

I apologize for my brothers rude behavior. Oh James will you ever learn! It is not lacking in general excitement it is perfect! Don't worry sweetheart I will give him a talking to. Oh where is he!!!

Anonymous said...

Very funny Ambrose

Misstress Duhicky said...

Lads!!!! Tis' a fine bit o' work, that's fur' sure!

Jes' one wee lil' note though, lassie, you might want to make the lad in yer' story a wee bit older then 14, if he's supposed to be pretending to be 18.

Jes' what I think. Fine bit o' work though, very fine.

Jolly good. Toodles!
~Mistress Duhicky

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I love it, Juliette! You're fantastic at writing stories! <3

Juliette said...

Thank you so much Emily! <3

Juliette said...

I see...well thank you Mistress. :P

Mistress Duhicky said...

You're very welcome, me' love! I shall talk to ye' later, should we have the joy of ever meeting.

Best wishes!
~Mistress Duhicky

Bethany G. said...

Ok. who is the james. Who is the peter, and who is the mistress Duhicky?! what is up with the Duhicky stuff? I agree, he should really be about sixteen or something. But I really like it! Write more! Now! More!

Mistress Duhicky said...

Hehe!